The Golden Rule.

Most people are taught at a young age – treat others the way you want to be treated.  Its an evolution of the Gospel of Matthew (7:1) which says, “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” Whether you are religious, believe in a higher power, or not – most people agree with this rule and the moral basis behind it.  Basically – be a good person and treat others in a good way. And don’t be a hypocrite. No one likes hypocrites.

What about the Platinum Rule?

This one is less well known, is not from the bible, and hasn’t been around for ages.  I am sure it’s been around for a while, but it was popularized in the book The Platinum Rule by Michael O’Connor and Tony Alessandra.

The Platinum Rule says, “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” The Golden Rule is self-centric…about treating people the way I want, like, deserve to be treated.  The Platinum Rule is about others…what they want…what they desire…how they wish to be treated. Both those rules are misguided advice for sales professionals.

When I was first in sales I fell into the Golden Rule Trap. On autopilot, subconsciously, and without any guidance to the contrary I tried to treat all my prospective clients like I would want to be treated.

Here is my buying style:

• Enough data to make the ‘right’, ‘safe’, and mostly ‘smart’ decision
• Someone who can answer questions, without trying to push me in a certain direction
• Zero (or less) sales pressure
• Small amount, and potentially an acceptable upsell if appropriate
• If value is there and I trust the person, price is not important (and definitely not negotiated/bartered)

Let me buy the way I want to buy. Never try to sell me anything. As per the Golden Rule, since that is how I like to buy, then I should sell that same way. Right?

The results? I gave people lots of options, lots of data, zero pressure, did minimal follow up, and assumed that if I showed them enough data that they would find a good, safe, option and want to move forward.

Alas, that is not what happened. I put people into states of analysis paralysis (too much data) and confusion (“Why isn’t this guy trying to help us move forward?”) and my potential customers walked away in mass to never be heard from again. Then I tried the Platinum Rule, selling to people the way they want to buy.

You would think that would work best, and in life treating others they way they want to be treated is solid advice. In sales it is not. I stopped overwhelming people with data, options, research, spreadsheets, and reasons why it makes sense. When I was faced with an analytical person who wanted lots of data, research, etc. – I gave it to them.

What is wrong with that…it’s the Platinum Rule (and the Golden Rule for me, all in one!). Because an analytical person’s greatest fear is making a mistake and looking bad/wrong. So they are on the hunt for the perfect solution, service, product. In their hunt for a mistake free decision, data and research will perpetuate their analysis paralysis (because there is no “perfect” solution to anything!).

When I encountered a supporter type personality, if I gave them what they wanted as a buyer, it would have been zero pressure and confrontation. But in that mode, they also won’t make a decision. For a promoter type personality, if I give them what they want (fun, excitement, interesting, what others are doing), they still won’t buy because if there is one driving the conversation forward towards a sale they will get excited by something else and move on and forget.

Get the point?

If you sell to others the way they want to be sold to…most of them won’t buy. Definitely not enough of them for you to achieve your goals of helping lots of people and for making your sales numbers.

If treating people the way you want to be treated doesn’t work, and selling to them the way they want to be sold to doesn’t work, then what? How the heck can you win as a sales professional? Here is how: Help the other person buy in a way that gets them past their fears and on the path to a better place.

First – help them buy

Second – in a way that gets them past their fears.

Whatever their fears are:

• Fear of making a mistake/picking wrong/looking bad or stupid
• Fear of being out of control
• Fear of confrontation
• Fear of missing out

Third – On the path to a better place.

Where they want or need to be. What would leave them better off than you found them. What solves their problems or accomplishes their goals. Remember, if they knew how to solve their problem or accomplish their goals – they would have done it already.

Their fears and limitations are what you must help them overcome so that they can move forward to a better future. Don’t sell them like you like to buy. Don’t sell to them the way you think they want to buy.



Help them buy in a way that gets them past their fears and on the path to a better place.