CUTTER CONSULTING GROUP

E36: Behavior Week: Supporter Part I – Fears, Confrontation, and Empathy

December 27, 2023



Ever wondered how some people always put others first?

Two groups down…two more to go.


On this episode I start the conversation about Supporters.


No group is better or worse than the others, and no one is right or wrong. But we all love the Supporters in our life. We all know that they will be there for us no matter what.


In Part 1, I cover what the Support fears most, what they think about confrontation, and their level of empathy towards helping others (Spoiler: it’s off the charts).

  • Show Transcript

    On this episode I talk about the behavior style group that will do everything they can to help others, even before taking care of themselves.


    Welcome to Episode 36 of The Sales Experience Podcast. Last week, I started the discussion of behavior types. Episode 31 is a good place to start for an overview of the behaviors, and how it’s even remotely possible to take 7 billion people and break them up into four groups. It might seem like it’s not possible, but it is if you go high level enough. And the key is to not go to high level, because then you can’t functionally use this information to help with your relationships. Now, breaking down the population into four types is a good way to go.


    There’s other ones like Myers Briggs, like I’ve mentioned, which in my opinion, are very detailed like astrological signs, but more complicated, and A, tough to source where somebody is at in the personality types like Myers Briggs, which has 16. It’s tough to know where someone’s at unless they take the 93 point assessment or you have a master’s degree in Myers Briggs, and you can assess somebody and analyze somebody in the conversation.


    Astrological charts, astrological signs are great, if you know somebody’s birthday, and you’ve memorized all 12 of the signs, that’s great. But the key is to have a usable, useful, quick way of determining what kind of style, what kind of preferences, what kind of behaviors the person you’re talking to, might have and which way they want to go, and how best to deal with them. So, that’s how I am setting this all up. It’s why I’m doing this, why I know from years and years of experience of teaching this, but then also using this and how effective it can work in the sales process.


    Now in the episodes last week, I covered the two polar opposites of analysts and promoters. And so go back and listen to those, they’re two episodes each for each group. And now I’m going to start the next two opposite. So, there’s four different types, we’ve covered two, this is number three, which is the supporters. Now supporters as the name says and explains, they are the group that are nurturing, supportive. They are the ones that will literally give you the shirt off of their back, and they do everything for everyone else, before they would do anything for their own needs to take care of themselves.


    These are the ones like if you think about a classic grandma, or your grandma that you might have, who would just take care of everything, take care of everyone, spoil everyone, make sure everyone is set, and you know that they aren’t doing much for themselves. In fact, it’s typical when you try to do anything for a supporter in your life, whether it’s, you know, somebody in your family or somebody else that you know that they really will resist you doing anything for them or giving them any gifts or doing them any favors. They just don’t like that because they feel like their job is to give to others, and they don’t like taking because that doesn’t feel natural for them.


    Now, let’s get into their fears. So, there’s two big fears when it comes to supporters. The first one is that they absolutely do not like any form of confrontation. Now, they will do some confrontation, like if you have a grandma like I had, and you know, if you’re doing something wrong, they’re going to correct you but it’s in a loving, nurturing way. But anything outside of that, they do not want to have any confrontation, any risk of that. And so they will do everything they can to avoid confrontation.


    They might not mention things that they have issues with or want to push back on anyone, debate anything. You know, if there’s a subject that comes up and they can’t agree with it, or they don’t agree with it, then most of the time, they’ll just avoid it, move on, change the subject. You know, they’re not going to get into heated debates over politics or religion or people’s views on things, they’re just going to go with the flow, avoid confrontation, which is a big thing to keep in mind. Next episode, we’ll talk about how that plays into when you’re trying to sell somebody and what that looks like.


    The other big fear of supporters is that they are afraid that if somebody is in need, they won’t be able to help them. So, their biggest fear is that they won’t have the time, they won’t have the money or whatever it is if somebody is in need. If somebody calls them at two o’clock in the morning, they want to make sure that they can help that person out. Whether that person needs a ride, that person needs to be bailed out of jail or their car broke down and they need help. Whatever it is, one of the biggest fears of supporters is that they won’t have whatever it is needed for the other person when they’re in trouble or they have a request.


    And so that usually leads them to look like they’re hoarding a lot of things, saving a lot of things, saving money, not wanting to spend money because they really want to help have that mattress money. They want to have the available funds and resources at any moment when anyone needs help. And they’re usually the ones that are the best person to turn to if you need help because they will do it. But it also can get them in trouble because you’ll see that and a lot of supporters were a lot of times if somebody realizes that they’ll take advantage of them and just keep using them and using them because their support and their giving and their nurturing has no end. And so that can be a downside for the supporter, but their biggest fear is still not being able to help people in their moment of need.


    Now, if we move on to the empathy side, right, because we cover confrontation, they don’t like that. But for empathy, they have a really high level of outward empathy. Now, again, I mentioned this before, all the different behavior groups, everybody has a certain level of empathy. I mean, if we just kind of move away from narcissist or sociopath or psychopaths, you know, and talk about everybody else, everybody has a level of empathy that they give. Again, some people are different.


    Analysts are going to handle a situation different than a promoter. Supporter on the other hand, if we go to the example I use during the analyst discussion, if somebody you know, let’s say, a kid falls on their bike supporters around, they’re going to instantly run to their attention, scoop them up, you know, kiss the boo-boo, give them a band aid, give them ice cream, put them in front of the TV, or let them hang out with them and make them feel better. And really, their goal is to help that person move on from being hurt, whether it’s physical or mental. They’re going to blame the bike for causing the problem, they’re going to blame the person who let the kid ride the bike for causing the problem. Everything is shift away from the person who’s hurt from feeling that pain or feeling responsible for it, and helping them move forward.


    And so supporters will break a high level of nurturing empathy to help somebody out of that painful situation they’re in again, whether it’s physical, it’s emotional. And then that goes into the side where they want to be the one to help. I mean, if you are at a playground and you see somebody fall and you know, the parent runs in immediately to take care of them and make sure they don’t feel bad and just make everything go away, that parent has some supporters side, whether its primary or secondary within them. Versus there’s other times where you see a kid fall at the park or at the playground and the parent’s sitting there, they see them so they are paying attention and not just sitting on their phone. They see them and then they smile at the kid and say go on keep having fun. That’s a different one because that one’s probably more analytical side thinking, yeah, life happens, you fall, dust yourself off, get up and move on, which is a little bit different than how supporters kind of react to that.


    Now, that’s it for this episode. And remember, there’s no good or bad or right or wrong with any of these, how each group or person act is not better than anyone else. So, as I’m going through this, this is just my reminder and my disclaimer is that none of this is meant to rate which group is better than others. It’s really for awareness. Everybody is different, everyone is special, everyone has their strengths, and what they bring to the world and to relationships and it’s also important. But there obviously, is different ways that it affects interactions. And then it says outside the scope of what I can cover in these two weeks, and as a part of the different workshops that I provide.


    But when we look at a company, there is clearly certain roles and jobs within a company that’s a way better fit for some behavior groups than they are for others. If we look at for example, you know, you’ve got a supporter, where do the supporters go? Typically supporters are great in some kind of customer service or support role because they just want to make everything better and help people and take away any issues that people have and put them in a better situation. And so that’s something to keep in mind as well. Again, not right or wrong, not that anybody can’t do anything within a company. It’s just where is it more of a natural fit and where do you tend to see people as a good fit with who they are and where their comfort zone is.


    Well, that’s it for this discussion on supporters part one, make sure to come back tomorrow and listen to the second part, I’m going to cover how the supporters like to buy and some tips on how to sell to this group. And again, what to avoid doing when you’re interacting with prospects that are supporters.


    And until next time, always remember that everything in life is sales and people remember the experience you gave them.


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The Danger of Doing Too Much as a Sales Leader Alright – so maybe they don’t need to go 90. In true servant leadership mode, you would go way more than 10% of the way to your team. But you have to be careful, as a sales leader. The inclination might be to do it all for them. To help them close their sales. To make excuses for them to your leadership as to why they aren’t closing more sales. Especially considering the very high likelihood that you are a sales manager because you were a great salesperson in the role that you are now managing. And there is a slight chance that you are a player-coach…so you are leading and selling. This can make it really tough not to want to run out on the field to win the game each time. But that doesn’t scale. That doesn’t lead to increased results. You can only sell so much as one person. Creating a Culture of Ownership So, you need to have people on your team that are coming to you. What does that look like? The pinnacle is a salesperson who doesn’t close a deal, comes to you right away and asks for feedback. They want some critiques as to where they could have done things better, different that would have led to the desired result – a closed sale. That takes a healthy level of ego by a professional who has the ultimate growth mindset. They know there are always ways to improve. They want to improve. And they are willing to risk their ego (and the internal, protective, primal part of our brain that doesn’t want to risk our place in the tribe) by asking for feedback that could be negative. Whenever you can, encourage that type of response. Ensure that the team knows that the team itself, and you as their leader, is a safe space – where the goal is to improve, grow, win and that everything done to support each other is done in that mode. They truly have to feel safe to share their mistakes and to get support in learning how to do more, better. Feedback That Drives Growth Part of this takes team and individual meetings that are actually filled with positive support. That doesn’t mean it’s always positive, motivational fluff. It’s not even about the shallow strategy of the feedback sandwich. Its about being real, honest, and empathetic – meaning “I see you are here, I know you want to be there, I will help you get there – even if its hard and it means saying hard things.” It should never feel mean or abusive or like an attack. But you can give some really direct feedback that will sting that ego I mentioned, but the person will know the intent behind it. The second part is hiring this type of person. Hiring people for the team that wants to win, grow, succeed. And they know that you don’t get better by being coddled, sheltered, or protected. You want people who don’t like the thought of perpetually living safely in their comfort zone. And they are excited about the opportunity to be a part of a team that pushes everyone, empathetically, outside of their comfort zone. Are You Leading or Just Managing? If you find yourself as a leader having to push your team, or going to them most of the time, or most of the way mentally – then they see you as a manager not a leader. They see you as someone who manages them, pushes them, and wants them to do things they don’t want to do. I have written some blogs here that go into what your role should be – as a leader, not a manager. Pulling people along with you, inspiring people, and supporting yourself with a team of people who want to win. Not just those that want to show up, do as little as they can and hopefully go unnoticed (yet – complain about not making enough money and how the comp plan isn’t fair, or the leads are bad, or their schedule means they can’t be successful.) Make sure your team knows that they need to come to you – at least 51/49. They should be asking for help, guidance, training, feedback, and support more than you are having to push it down onto them.
By Jason Cutter February 3, 2025
If you have seen the movie Hitch, then you know the scene. Will Smith’s character (Hitch) is trying to coach Kevin James’ character (Albert) on how to finish out his upcoming first date. He is giving him pointers, one being that if his date fumbles with her keys at the door, it could mean she wants a kiss. So Hitch wants to see if Albert knows what to do – for a good night kiss. Hitch gives him the advice “you go 90 percent, and then wait for her to go 10%” which Albert then asks “wait for how long?” Hitch: “as long as it takes.” Albert leads in, Hitch is holding back to see if Albert will wait, and then Albert goes all the way and gives him a kiss. Hitch gets upset, and says “You go 90, I go 10 – you don’t go the whole 100%.” The Sales Analogy Kissing our prospective customers is not acceptable (just ask HR!). But the concept is the same. You don’t want to ever make 100% of the effort for your prospective customers. You don’t want to be the one who is doing all the work. Fundamentally, it is not good practice to want the deal more than the other person. When you go your 90, you need to wait – as long as it takes – for the prospect to go to their 10. And I would say that you want to go somewhere between 10-49, in reality. How Successful Sales Professionals Balance Effort Successful sales professionals know how far they have to go to meet the prospect where they are, while also knowing how much effort the prospect needs to put in to show they are committed. Where most salespeople get in trouble is they get desperate. They want the sale (kiss) more than the other person and they go the full 100%. Of course, persistence is important. And you won’t get what you don’t ask for (although…if you have followed me for any length of time, you will know I am very against having to ask for the sale). But you also have to ensure that your prospects actually want what you are selling. And they want it for their reasons and their motivations. They are driven to pursue your production option(s). They must go 10, 40, 60% of the way to you. The Pitfall of Chasing Your Prospect Just like courtship and relationships – if you find yourself chasing and one-sided-pursing the other person then it means you want it more than they do. It also means they own you. You are essentially begging them for the relationship – convincing, manipulating, begging, bribing, persuading your way forward. Which means they consciously and/or subconsciously know that they are in control. Because if they say no, you will keep pursuing and offering solutions. In sales – that looks like a salesperson who is calling, emailing, stalking a prospect – making offers, offering discounts and trials, and trying to find any way to make deal work. They are going 90-100% of the way for the prospect, not requiring them to go anywhere towards the agreement. This will end terribly. If they do decide to buy – taking the discount, free trial, taking the sale bait – they will not be happy (since they weren’t bought in for their reasons), they will look for reasons confirming why they didn’t really want to buy anyway, and they will know that they own you. Your company will have to convince them on a regular basis to stay in the relationship. The Right Balance for Customer Ownership You fundamentally need that prospective customer to come to you. Not 100% where you are just an Order Taker. But potentially 51% of the way – so they want it more than you. The more you can get them across that 50/50 threshold, the more they will be a satisfied customer. But remember – at 51/49 – they still need persuading, they still need to understand the value of your product for where they ultimately want to be in their life/business, and they still need your support. They lean in the right amount, you lean in the right amount = sales magic!
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